Two Slashes

Yesterday, during a math class, I was treated to the particularly laughable claims made by a fellow student in the class.  No, these weren’t claims of his potent masculinity or demonstrations of his intelligence.  This kid claimed that he was the mastermind behind Storm (I wonder what Fox News broadcast he’s been watching recently) and that he knows a super-secret backdoor into any Windows XP computer called the “administrator account.”  Pardon me for laughing.

It’s people like this that often make me wonder whether some mandatory licensing/certification scheme for computing is necessary, not only to prove you have skills, but to prove you can contribute to society by using the device in an appropriate way.

Among other things, the requirements could include:

• A decent grasp of a human language. None of this “im in ur dataz lolz” crap – just plain English, Spanish, Yiddish…you get the idea.
• Aptitude in interacting with others. This probably goes along with the language requirement I just mentioned above, but there should be a reasonable level of intelligence in dealing with other people.  (Regular participation in an IRC channel might be a great way to fulfill this.)
• A reasonable level of knowledge in various day-to-day applications including a word processor, spreadsheet application, and perhaps an image editor.
• An avoidance of nuisance fonts like Comic Sans. Enough said.
• An extensive vocabulary of computing terms. This also includes knowing when and what term to use.  (That monitor on your desk is not the entire computer, you know.)

I can think of other things, but I don’t want to limit the number of people who can get a license to my small circles of friends.  That just wouldn’t be fair.  (I would love to know what suggestions you have for the list, though.)

While the kid might think he looks intelligent to the rest of the people in the class, I have not yet revealed to him that I’m a computer science major.  (I’m waiting for the opportune moment to reveal that information.  Until then, I’ll have to settle with mentally calling him an idiot over and over in my head.)  Of course, doing so might make him realize just how outlandish he appears.

I’m in support of the free access to information when the information makes a worthwhile contribution to society, but I don’t consider free stupidity to be worth anything more than a chuckle or two (or a guffaw, depending upon the act in question).

So, when can we build those licensing centers?