Two Slashes

No offense to anyone who might suffer from the condition, but this is one of those times that being deaf might actually be a benefit.  You know, right alongside being able to ignore any sudden rounds of Rick Astley emanating from your computer.

It seems that the tech world is all about second chances and highly disruptive career changes these days, what with all these multimillionaires suddenly uprooting themselves from their business ventures to work on completely unrelated ideas.  Bill Gates retired from daily life at Microsoft, for example, in order to become a full-time philanthropist for his self-named charitable foundation.  Steve Wozniak has done it all, from working at Apple to teaching to dancing with the stars (which is perhaps the only reason to watch the show) to playing Segway polo (pardon me while I laugh).  And now, it seems, there’s room for yet another gearhead to put his name to work on a completely different venture.

As you might have heard, Jim Allchin (of note for his work at Microsoft leading development teams until his departure after Windows Vista and for looking like an elf as pictured) seems to have another burning passion:  music.  He’s apparently spent some time in a recording studio working on a solo album.  (Wait, isn’t there supposed to be a group before the solo albums start rolling out?)

While I haven’t been able to locate any full-length songs as the album isn’t available yet, Allchin has samples of his work on his website (and a few other places besides).  Based on what I’ve heard, though, I’m going to be investing in a pair of earmuffs about the time this CD comes out.

While Jimbo seems to have some skill with a guitar, I’m not sure his microphone should be connected to anything while he’s singing.  He could also use a little help from someone with some songwriting experience, as the samples demonstrate that he has all the lyrical creativity of a first grader, and the ability to make just as much sense.  Take the first few lines from “I’m About To Fall” (at least, as I hear them) as my example:

Told you I wanted to be free,
All I needed – was just me.

Your eyes – they’re so dreamy,
You’ve got me leaning over the waterfall…

Some of the other songs could have used a little assistance in their development, too.  The leading track, “Enigma Machine,” reminds me of the soundtrack to some of the early Need for Speed games, which makes it seem more than a little out of place among a bunch of ballads.  And there’s no reason for the underwater singing effects in “Killer Shuffle,” either.

Allchin provides a short blurb about each song, too (though he might want to use a proofreader next time), and they’re just as corny as the lyrics.  (Perhaps they’re another sign of what the other two minutes and thirty seconds of each song are hiding?)

Pardon me, Jim, but I’m not quite sure the music business was the right place for a new beginning.  You may be good on a guitar, but it might have been better for you either to get a band going (with someone who can sing and write) or find a band in need of a guitarist.  Alternatively, you might be able to pull a Santana and find a few people who are willing to collaborate with you on a song or two.  (But please, whatever you do, do not even think of sending a sample to one of my favorite bands.)

And I know Gizmodo got there first, but there’s no way this album was made without a little help from everyone’s favorite new Microsoft Research project.  Hey, there’s nothing like showing a little support for your friends stuck in the trenches at the company you deserted, right?

In reality, I’ll probably be looking for a copy of the album once it’s released, if only to do a follow-up to this post.  I don’t know if I’ll survive listening to it, but in case I don’t…ah, I don’t think there’s anything to give.